A New Element in Government

Via DC contacts:

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of theheaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Bushcronium."Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an Atomic mass of 311.These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.Since Bushcronium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can bedetected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Bushcronium causes one reaction to take over fourdays to complete when it would normally take less than asecond. Bushcronium has a normal half-life of multiples of four years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which aportion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.In fact, Bushcronium's mass will actually increase over time, sinceeach reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isotopes.This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an elementwhich radiates orders of magnitude, more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons, but twice as many morons.