Professors go into hiding

Students with guns. The best grade goes to the fastest on the draw:

WASHINGTON – Texas is poised to approve a measure allowing college students and professors to carry guns on campus, an initiative with strong support in the state legislature that critics concede they probably can't stop.

If I were still teaching, I think I would want to set up a bullet proof shield between the lectern-blackboard side of the classroom and the students' side. On my side, I arm the place with several cannon, a battery of sub-machine guns, and whatever else I could find, all operated by a single switch at the lectern ... just in case. Office hours would be conducted by remote closed-circuit TV, so as to minimize the possibility of a student shooting me over a grade dispute, and all papers and exams would be submitted and returned by e-mail.

Come to think of it, I think I would conduct all classes over the internet, so as to avoid any contact whatsoever with the students. Indeed, even when lecturing over the internet, I would want to have my face smudged out and my voice altered (as they do when interviewing whistle blowers on TV-news) so as to eliminate any possibility of accidentally being recognized by one of my students while walking down the street.